I just threw up on my dentist
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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