please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
