I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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