Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
