party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
