It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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