hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
