You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize