I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
