she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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