Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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