I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
