I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
