tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
