Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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