White coat. Heels.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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