you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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