he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
