I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
