Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
