Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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