youre lurking in front of me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
