and you said cock pushups were impossible
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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