shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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