Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
