I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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