Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
