is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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