oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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