i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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