At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
