i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize