Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
