"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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