even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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