So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
