Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
