He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i drank out of a bidet.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
