Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
