how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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