apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
we're so committed to being not committed
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