Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
