my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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