hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
