i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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