Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
