I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
