Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
