KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
