I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize