Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
