im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
