You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
