I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
