You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
