I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
