Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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